Gaga spoke through tears as she recounted the moment when an unnamed producer demanded that she take off her clothes before threatening to burn her music.
“I was 19 and working in the business, and a producer told me,‘ Take off your clothes, ’” he recalled.
“And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all my music. And they didn’t stop. They kept asking me, and then I froze and just … I didn’t even I just remember it. ”
Gaga said she will not name her alleged attacker. “I understand this #Metoo movement, I understand that some others feel very comfortable with it, and I don’t, I don’t want to ever face that person again.
“This system is so abusive, it’s so dangerous.”
According to the successful producer “Poker Face”, he was diagnosed with PSTD years later, after going to the hospital for chronic pain. It went public with its diagnosis in 2016.
“First I felt a full pain and then I fell asleep. Then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks later,” he explained. “And I realized it was the same pain I felt when the person who raped me left me pregnant on the corner, at my parents’ house, because I was vomiting and I was sick. Because I had been abused, I was locked out. in a study for months “.
“The way I feel when I feel pain is how I felt after being raped,” she said. “I’ve had so many MRIs and scans. They don’t find anything, but your body remembers it.”
Gaga said it all came to a head with a breakdown that took years to recover. “I had a total psychotic break and, for a couple of years, I wasn’t the same girl,” she revealed. During this period, around 2018 to 2019, she canceled a number of concert dates on her Joanne World tour.
He also won an Oscar, he noted, adding, “Nobody knew.”
Gaga also discussed having impulses to self-injure: “It’s very real to feel like there’s a black cloud following you wherever you go, telling you you’re worthless and that you should die. And I used to yell and throw myself at you. the wall. ”
The singer said, “Do you know why it’s not good to cut? Do you know why it’s not good to throw yourself against the wall? Do you know why it’s not good to injure yourself? Because it makes you feel worse. You think I’ll feel better because you’re showing someone, “Hey, look, I’m in pain. It doesn’t help. I always tell people ‘Tell someone, don’t show anyone.'”
Now 35, Gaga said her healing process involves “trying to make sure she comes back with that experience, instead of, I don’t know, blocking it and falsifying it.”
His path to recovery is “a slow rise,” he said. “Even if I have six bright months, all it takes is to trigger myself once to feel bad. And when I say I feel bad, I mean I want to cut, think about dying, wondering if any I will do it again. ”
The following organizations provide confidential support to victims of rape and sexual assault:
In the US:
RAINN, Rape, Abuse, and the National Incest Network: 1-800-656-4673
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK
In the UK:
Rape crisis: www.rapecrisis.org.uk
The Survivors Trust: 08088 010 818
The Samaritans (24 hours): 116 123